Awhile back I wrote a quiz for serious tea drinkers. Then, a smart alecky tea drinker I am “friends” with on Facebook commented “What about us unserious tea drinkers?” (I’m paraphrasing since I can’t find the comment.) Steven, just for you and all the other unserious, smart alecky tea drinkers out there, I did my best to come up with appropriate items, but whacky items kept coming to mind instead, as shown here:

1 A friend invites you over for some tea, so you:

a. Try to think up some puns and one-liners to spring on your host

b. Bring along a bunch of gag gift teabags (the “Sex, Tea, and Rock n Roll” set is my favorite)

c. Stop off at the magic shop on your way over to your friend’s house and buy some sneeze powder to sprinkle around at the opportune moment

d. Show up in a clown suit, carrying a horn that goes “ahooooooga!” and then blast it off every few minutes

2 The tea tasting event you’re attending is getting a bit boring, so you:

a. Do your Trevi fountain impression, using that mouthful of Ti Kuan Yin you were supposed to swish and spit out

b. Swap the cup that one of the other attendees is using with a dribble cup

c. Bet the other attendees that your can slurp louder than they can and then prove it

d. Use the empty teacups, turned upside down, for a game of “find the pea” like those scam artists on the streets ofNew   York Cityand elsewhere

3 After walking from vendor to vendor at the tea expo, you’re tired and your head is spinning (along with your eyeballs) from all the choices you’ve seen, so you:

a. Find a place to sit and let your mind clear and your eyeballs return to a somewhat normal position while using your index finger to flip your lips up and down, going deebeedeebeedeebee!

b. Set down your bag of samples and purchases of teas and teawares, pull out several packages of tea, and start juggling them

c. Stand in a corner, set out a tin cup, and start singing “I’m a Little Teapot,” softly at first and gradually louder until passersby start tossing in coins

d. Go up to the expo organizer and beg for mercy — too much tea info!

4 You see a status update on Facebook from a true tea lover about the ins and outs of steeping tea, so you:

a. Make a remark about how good you are being to resist such an obvious opening for puns or ribaldry

b. Post a reply declaring that tea is more of an up and down proposition, especially for those who use teabags

c. Engage in some TEAsing

d. Post a bit of low-brow, even risqué humor (of the kind that cannot be repeated in respectable company)

5 You hear the customer ahead of you in line at the coffee bar asking the server for a “chai tea”, so you:

a. Ignore it since you’re tired of telling people that “chai” means tea so they are asking for “tea tea” and then trying hard to refrain from snickering (some things are beneath even the smart aleck in you)

b. Wonder why in the world you came to one of those coffee places to get a cup of tea anyway

c. Take a step backward from such an obviously insane person who does not know the proper tea term

d. Say “What the hey” and when your turn comes, you order the same thing

Well, how did you do? No matter if you answered “a,” “b,” “c,” or “d” to any of the above, you’re a truly whacky tea drinker and probably a smart alecky one, too!

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