I’ve been exploring some of the many teapot styles available to all us tea lovers out there and got a comment back about a treasured teapot in which many a fine cuppa had been steeped and if only that teapot could talk. Well, that, of course, sets the mind to wondering: if your teapot could talk…
The first thing to note here is that teapots are generally not known to be tattlers. They do not tell tales on their owners. So, if you have behaved rather outrageously in front of your teapots, fear not, your secrets are safe. Those burnt scones that fell on the floor but you picked up and brushed off and served anyway to your tea time guests, for example, will never be spread around — that teapot will bespeak not a word. The time you scalded that green tea with boiling water instead of using a more tepid 180° F temperature will also never make it into the mainstream of teapot gossip.
So, there remains unanswered the question of what they do talk about. Here’s one conversation I can imagine a gaggle of teapots having:
Teapot #1: “Oy, my humans didn’t rinse me out properly last night. I still have tea leaves in my spout!”
Teapot #2: “Well, if you blow really hard, they’ll come out on their own. It’s better than that scrubber brush my humans use on me. Ugh!”
Teapot #1: “Like this?” *hoooooooooooooooot!*
Teapot #3: “Hey, watch it! Those tea leaves are flying everywhere. Why don’t your humans use a teabag like mine do? Or those newfangled refillable tea filters?”
Teapot #1: “My humans say the tea leaves need to float free and have room to expand.”
Teapot #3: “Well, you’re certainly stout enough for that!”
Teapot #1: “Gee, thanks, it’s just how I’m made!”
Teapot #4: “My humans steep in my brother teapot and then strain the tea into me so it doesn’t oversteep. They call it the two-teapot method. It does avoid me getting those tea leaves in my spout, to be sure.”
Teapot #2: “Do your humans dunk things in you? My humans dunk things in me – cookies mostly. Very odd. They should be dunking into the teacup.”
Teapot #3: “Humans are strange, for sure. But you’re just a one-cup teapot, part of a tea-for-one set. No wonder they get confused! And who ever heard of a teapot sitting on top of the teacup? Rather unseemly, if you ask me.”
Teapot #1: “Gripe, gripe, gripe! He can’t help that he’s made that way. Tell those humans to dunk in the teacup. Some of those cookies have chocolate coatings and bits of the cookie can get so soggy that they drop off making a real mess in the bottom.”
Teapot #5: “Hey, gang, what’s up?”
Teapot #1: “Just talking about tea here and our humans.”
Teapot #5: “Don’t get me started. The tales I could tell! Like this one time…”
On second thought, it’s probably a very good thing that our teapots can’t talk. They seem to be a bit gossipy after all!
See more of A.C. Cargill’s articles here.
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