Once again it is time to pour the tea of knowledge from the pot of the future into the cup of insight, swirl it mystically and see what guidance we can find as we continue our perilous journey in to April.

The first of the portents revealed by a very agreeable cup of Earl Grey is a dolphin which is a symbol of unexpected help in an emergency. This was followed by a bike and a trident which means success at sea. I’m racking my brains to think of a situation which would involve cycling at sea, but if you do find yourself in one, it seems you can expect it to go well or at least to be unexpectedly rescued if it doesn’t.

Next there was a star which means good fortune, two lions which represent influential friends, a cross which means ill health and a pair of shoes which mean change for the better. This would seem to mean a return to health for someone important in your life, possibly they were mixed up in the oceanic cycling débâcle but will pull through.

Then we have a triangle, for something unexpected, which points up, meaning it will bring success, a bow which means scandal, a bunny and a waistcoat. Rabbits usually mean a need to be brave, but a rabbit in a waistcoat is a prominent feature in several, reasonably surreal children’s stories. If your child comes home to tell you about their sudden miraculous achievement in a previously unpromising field then beware, they are certainly lying to you. Tales of anthropomorphic rabbits should also be treated with caution, especially as we approach Easter. It’s all a scam to try and get more chocolate.

Finally, and I promise I am not making this up, there is a brontosaurus. I often see dinosaurs in my tea leaves which may well point to some deep seated psychological problems on my part, but I chose to believe that it is the leaves warning me that somewhere in a laboratory there is a team of scientists re-enacting the movie Jurassic Park. Remember that Velociraptors have learned to open doors, we should all fit extra locks.

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