Hubby and I have a fairly low threshold when it comes to scary stuff. So have no fear, the scare factor here is pretty low. About a 1 on a scale of 1 to 10. In fact, it’s so not scary that it’s more on the cute side, as you can see in the photo below. However, for those of you who think The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Chuckie, A Nightmare on Elm Street (and its sequels), and the Halloween movie series are tame, I present a few tips for a really scary tea time.

First, set up a motion-activated sound effect of a howling wolf or ghostly moaning so when your guests approach the front door, they will hear it. (Caution: don’t use the sound of someone screaming or gunshots since your guests could end up using their cell phones to call 911 and you’d have the cops showing up, which would be very scary.)

Second, have a giant rubber or plastic spider drop down in front of them when they ring the doorbell. This will be especially effective for the arachnophobes on your guest list. Be prepared for someone succumbing to the sheer terror of this, though, by them collapsing on your front stoop/porch. Best to have an oxygen tank or defibrillator handy just in case.

Third, lead your guests into the kitchen, hand them aprons, show them the raw ingredients and cookwares laid out, and tell them to start cooking or they could end up in the dungeon you just constructed under the house. Drop hints about how that witch in Hansel and Gretel had a good idea about fattening up her victims before roasting them. Your guests will get the idea pretty quickly here.

Fourth and scariest of all, don’t serve any tea. Or worse yet, serve one of those pseudo teas — one of those infusions made from rooibos, honeybush, chamomile, ginger root, ginseng, hibiscus, or any other number of plants that are not Camellia Sinensis. Or maybe serve coffee or guayusa or yerba mate. That would certainly scare the begeebees out of me.

Whatever scary plans you have in store for your tea time guests, be sure to let them know that it’s all meant in good fun!

See more of A.C. Cargill’s articles here.

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